Maintenance check


checklist.jpgI would like to think I’m low maintenance. That’s not usually the case.

I would like to think my bouts of high maintenance are worth the trouble.

The ground rules in my head make perfect sense to me.
I don’t like to be a burden. I like to be a good guest. Or a good boyfriend. Or a good friend.

That makes me a little dull. But I’m not one for drama.

I’m amazed by people who thrive on drama, who must be the center of attention at all costs. I like the spotlight, too, but not if I have to be a dick.

And, I can be a dick.

Drama queens, keep your distance. You’ll get no attention from me. If you need a lot of fuss, I’m not your man.

I’m certainly not easy to please. I’m a perfectionist, which can alienate friends and colleagues. It can be tough to deal with me if you always think I’m riding you for nitpicky stuff.

Being tough on myself isn’t an excuse. No one gets a free pass for giving others unwarranted flak. I have high standards in career, in friendship, in personal goals, in everything.

So I let myself down. A lot.

If other people let me down, well, it happens. I try to give the benefit of the doubt, but I fail at that, too. Not always, just some of the time.

I’m judging you. I’m judging me. Neither of us are faring too well.

(Look, drama! I have become what I abhor.)

I fumble around a bit. For answers, for purpose, for meaning, for help, for mercy, for understanding.

If you think I’m high maintenance, remember this: I’ve had to live with myself a lot longer than you have.


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