Conversational shortcuts and movies

“Where do you want to sit?”

“Not there, too close. Not there, I can’t see from that far back.”

“Here?”

“Sure, but where are you sitting?”

“Ha ha.”

“OK, I’m good at these trivia slides.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Sure. The answer is ‘Saving Private Ryan.’ ”

“But the question was about which Batman villain was played by Nicholson.”

“Wait, don’t sit there don’t sit there don’t— dammit, now my view is blocked.”

“We’re in stadium seating.”

“Yes, but this guy is going to keep yammering on his cell phone for the next half hour.”

“The next half hour is going to be movie previews, commercials for TV shows we could be watching at home and that stupid infotainment video about ‘Garfield 2.’ ”

“And I want to see them, especially if he really does get that delicious lasagna.”

“This floor is sticky.”

“Well, that ain’t Pepsi.”

“Ew.”

“Here come the soda bottle races. Go Fanta!”

“Go Tab Clear!”

“Unh, that crazy Sprite pulled it out.”

“He should be tested … for deliciousness.”

“Arrgh, I’ve seen this trailer 10 times already.”

“And you’re going to keep seeing it until you go.”

“In a world where dreams come alive, one man dies a slow miserable death from marketing.”

“I’d go see that.”

“You’re seeing it right now.”

“I meant with someone taller and handsomer than you.”

“OK, but that’s why tickets are nine bucks.”

“You paid nine? Sucker.”

“Whaddyamean?”

“I only paid $8.75 online with my ‘senior citizen’ discount.”

“But isn’t the service charge like a dollar or something?”

“Shut up.”

“Next trailer, please.”

“I can’t believe it. That’s my favorite book. The movie’s going to be horrible.”

“How was the book?”

“Horrible, but I couldn’t put it down.”

“That’s what you get for reading.”

“Clearly.”

“Can you dig out my drink and my snack?”

“Let me find it. I know it’s in here somewhere.”

“Did you try looking under that collection of lighters, receipts, matchbooks, mints …”

“Did you remember to bring the potato salad?”

“I thought you were bringing the potato salad.”

“Here’s your drink. I took a bite of your candy bar.”

“Damn you, woman.”

“Did you turn your cell phone off?”

“Yes, but then how can I call you during the movie to tell you where I am and how the movie is?”

“Text me.”

“H …… E …… Y …….”

“Finally, our feature presentation.”

“Hold my hand.”

“Fine.”

“That’s not my hand.”

“Ew.”