Remote possibilities: fall 2006
By Wade KwonAh, summer, time to curl up with a good DVD.
Books are for losers. Who can read.
I am neither.
As a public service, a brief preview of the new fall network series (some appearing on new networks). Only six more weeks until the season begins.
And seven more weeks until many of these shows are canceled.
’24’ 2.0
In which one thin plot revolving around a day is stretched into a nine-month, 22-episode ordeal …
“Big Dayâ€: A wedding, one half-hour at a time. Wake us when they toss the bouquet (or leave the show at the altar).
“Day Breakâ€: “Groundhog Day†with a murder. And less funny. And more black.
‘Lost’ 2.0
In which strangers are connected in mysterious yet uninteresting ways …
“Six Degreesâ€: Strangers trapped on an island (Manhattan) bound by fate and acting contracts.
“Heroesâ€: Strangers bound by superpowers and high concepts.
“The Nineâ€: Strangers trapped in a bank robbery bound by trauma and flashbacks.
“Jerichoâ€: Townfolk trapped in a nuclear holocaust bound by radioactive horror and lack of cable (shudder).
“The Classâ€: Twentysomethings trapped by a shared past in third grade bound by pseudo-nostalgia and a laugh track.
‘Saturday Night Live’ 2.0
In which a fading live comedy show spawns two fading prime-time shows …
“Studio 60 on the Sunset Stripâ€: The one with Aaron Sorkin and Chandler that lasts 60 minutes.
“30 Rockâ€: The one with Tina Fey and Debbie Downer that lasts 30 minutes. (Thanks, title mnemonic.)
One-word wonders
In which the law is upheld with but a single name …
“Vanishedâ€: Fox’s version of NBC’s “Kidnapped.â€
“Kidnappedâ€: NBC’s version of Fox’s “Vanished.â€
“Justiceâ€: Fox’s version of CBS’ “Shark.â€
“Sharkâ€: CBS’ version of Fox’s “Justice.â€
“Smithâ€: Family dad blends in, commits crimes, not accused of crimes.
“Runawayâ€: Family dad blends in, doesn’t commit crimes, accused of crimes.
“Standoffâ€: FBI’s CNU in action. That’s right, the C-fucking-N-U.
Soap till you drop
In which telenovelas are debuted to an apathetic gringo audience …
“Desireâ€: Brothers run from Mafia, battle for girl.
“Fashion Houseâ€: “The Hills†with old people.
For this they killed ‘Arrested Development’
In which comedy is beaten to death with the tire iron of lameness …
“20 Good Yearsâ€: Grumpy old sitcom pair is wacky.
“ ’Til Deathâ€: Marriage is wacky.
“Happy Hourâ€: Single young buddies are wacky.
“Notes from the Underbellyâ€: Maternity is wacky.
“The Knights of Prosperityâ€: Burglarizing Mick Jagger’s place is wacky.
“The Gameâ€: Football players’ wives are wacky.
“Help Me Help Youâ€: Group therapy is wacky.
The misfits
In which we snark on the rest …
“Duetsâ€: Karaoke with the stars.
“Friday Night Lightsâ€: They couldn’t turn “The Devil Wears Prada†into a series?
“Ugly Bettyâ€: Yay, they made “The Devil Wears Prada†into a series!
“Men in Treesâ€: This year’s “Emily’s Reasons Why Not.†Well, this year’s second “Emily’s Reasons Why Not.â€
“Brothers and Sistersâ€: This year’s “Sons and Daughters.†Well, this year’s second “Sons and Daughters.â€
• • •
More on television: May 2006 season finales
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- 07.25.06 | 11.54 pm
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