Horn o’ plenty

The next great idea in cars is almost here. Not iPods or spinning rims, but the ultimate statement in driver personality.

Custom car horns.

Those living around here are already familiar with the superfan RVs that crank out the Alabama or Auburn fight songs. The General Lee played “Dixie,” usually while jumping a gully, ravine, ditch or unsuspecting Hazzard County patrol car.

And we’re all familiar with the never-ending cacophony of custom ringtones at our workplaces, malls, churches and movie theaters.

The natural progression is loading custom MP3s into your car horn.

Now, everyone stuck in traffic or cruising the streets will know just how much your taste in music blows.

If you’re a superpatriot, you’ll need something a little Toby Keith “put a boot in your ass” action. If you’re a hippie, you can blast the SUVs and pickups with a 15-second round of “War” by Edwin Starr.

No longer will your car have the generic horn sound, or worse, that annoying wimpy beep beep. Like sound effects? Load up a blaring train or 18-wheeler horn, and clear the intersection. Or the ever-popular European police siren.

Back to music, and none of this polyphonic crap. Let your ride be your guide. Use “Fun, Fun, Fun” by the Beach Boys for your Thunderbird or “I Can’t Drive 55” for your Ferrari. “Baby Got Back” for your Honda, “Truckin’ ” for your Ford or Chevy, “Magic Bus” for your minivan.

Musicians and celebrities record custom voice ringtones for big bucks. Why not have Ludacris belt out a special “Move, bitch, get out the way” for your maroon LeBaron?

The best part? When you get bored, you can switch out the horntone™ to match your mood. Honk a celebratory Manilow upon arriving home after a long trip: “Looks like we made it …” Or recreate your favorite movie moments and put your date in the mood when picking her up, from “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” (“Top Gun”) to “In Your Eyes” (“Say Anything”) to “The Ride of the Valkyries” (“Apocalypse Now”).

Don’t worry, custom car horns should be arriving any day now. And just wait until you see the next great idea: color mood headlights.