Horn oâ€™ plentyBy Wade Kwon
The next great idea in cars is almost here. Not iPods or spinning rims, but the ultimate statement in driver personality.
Custom car horns.
Those living around here are already familiar with the superfan RVs that crank out the Alabama or Auburn fight songs. The General Lee played â€œDixie,â€ usually while jumping a gully, ravine, ditch or unsuspecting Hazzard County patrol car.
And weâ€™re all familiar with the never-ending cacophony of custom ringtones at our workplaces, malls, churches and movie theaters.
The natural progression is loading custom MP3s into your car horn.
Now, everyone stuck in traffic or cruising the streets will know just how much your taste in music blows.
If youâ€™re a superpatriot, youâ€™ll need something a little Toby Keith â€œput a boot in your assâ€ action. If youâ€™re a hippie, you can blast the SUVs and pickups with a 15-second round of â€œWarâ€ by Edwin Starr.
No longer will your car have the generic horn sound, or worse, that annoying wimpy beep beep. Like sound effects? Load up a blaring train or 18-wheeler horn, and clear the intersection. Or the ever-popular European police siren.
Back to music, and none of this polyphonic crap. Let your ride be your guide. Use â€œFun, Fun, Funâ€ by the Beach Boys for your Thunderbird or â€œI Canâ€™t Drive 55â€ for your Ferrari. â€œBaby Got Backâ€ for your Honda, â€œTruckinâ€™ â€ for your Ford or Chevy, â€œMagic Busâ€ for your minivan.
Musicians and celebrities record custom voice ringtones for big bucks. Why not have Ludacris belt out a special â€œMove, bitch, get out the wayâ€ for your maroon LeBaron?
The best part? When you get bored, you can switch out the horntoneâ„¢ to match your mood. Honk a celebratory Manilow upon arriving home after a long trip: â€œLooks like we made it â€¦â€ Or recreate your favorite movie moments and put your date in the mood when picking her up, from â€œYouâ€™ve Lost That Lovinâ€™ Feelingâ€ (â€œTop Gunâ€) to â€œIn Your Eyesâ€ (â€œSay Anythingâ€) to â€œThe Ride of the Valkyriesâ€ (â€œApocalypse Nowâ€).
Donâ€™t worry, custom car horns should be arriving any day now. And just wait until you see the next great idea: color mood headlights.