Overheard in the men’s room
By Wade Kwon“Hey.â€
(Please don’t talk to me while I’m trying to pee.) “Um, hey.â€
“What’s up?â€
(Ew.) “Nothing.â€
“Didja see the game?â€
(Didja see that we’re two strangers standing in the men’s room talking when we shouldn’t be?) “No.â€
“Christ, what a second half. It was amazing. Shoulda seen it.â€
(Please please stop talking to me.) “Yeah.â€
“By the way, that’s the one with the broken handle. You gotta hold it up for a few seconds, then down.â€
(Stop looking at my toilet. Stop looking over here.) “Thanks. Not quite to that point yet.â€
“Yeah, you gotta hold it up. Otherwise, the damn thing won’t flush. I told those guys to fix it. The middle one, I said, the middle one.â€
(Why are we still talking? This is the longest piss ever.) “Hmph, maintenance.â€
“Those lazy fucks. Am I right?â€
(You are all kinds of wrong.) “Oh, yeah.â€
“By the way, didja see the new girl?â€
(Don’t like where this is going.) “Uh, no. I mean, I don’t think so.â€
“Great smile. And by ‘smile,’ I mean ‘rack.’ â€
(Classy.) “Nice.â€
“She’s totally into me. I can tell.â€
(She’s just not that into you.) “Oh, yeah?â€
“Mmm-hmm. Just gotta make my move.â€
(Move on over to a stall.) “Yeah.â€
“Damn. Too much coffee.â€
(Too much bathroom drama.) “Right.â€
“Yeah, that’s it, hold up the handle, then— yeah, that’s it.â€
(I know how to flush a toilet.) “Thanks.â€
“You got it, man. Hey…â€
(Why are you still talking?) “Yes?â€
“Take it easy.â€
(Stupid slow hand dryer.) “What?â€
“I said, take it easy.â€
(Good God.) “You, too.â€
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- Overheard in the men’s room
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- 08.23.06 | 11.55 pm
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- Fiction
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