The nightly grind


My sweet dentist and my chatty hygienist (always with the questions while I’ve got a mouthful of sharp pick) call me flat-toothed.

Apparently, I grind my teeth. At night. In the dark.

Unbeknownst to me.

tooth.jpgThis is tragic on several levels. For starters, my perfect teeth — as lauded by my sweet dentist and my chatty hygienist — are a little less perfect. Too flat. Not curvy or bitey enough.

Second, the enamel is wearing down, the irreplaceable armor that separates nerve from air, chewing from mush. Can’t afford to be letting it slip into nothingness.

Third, why the hell am I immune to grinding during the day, but susceptible at night? It could be stress induced, but nighttime is the least stressful part of anyone’s day. How can unconsciousness be anything but relaxing?

I have been fitted for a guard to wear (or choke on) while sleeping. Even as an adult, I cannot escape the tortuous dental devices that brand nerds and dweebs alike. Only now, I have the dubious honor of paying for them as well.

I’m going for my regular physical soon. I hope to God the doctor doesn’t tell me I’m also secretly pissing blood or gouging my eyes every night.

Otherwise, I’m never going to sleep again.


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