The e-Wedding

Dearly beloved,

We are gathered today on MySpace — before God, Tom and 1,866 friends — to witness the happy union of Jack_Is_Teh_Awesome and SexxayRita in holy matrimony.

You’ve already heard the automatic song they’ve chosen for the ceremony, “Cherry Pie” by Warrant. And if you’ll turn your attention to the slideshow, the bride and groom have selected their favorite snapshots from their courtship, parties and previous marriages.

These two have not entered into this decision lightly, having filled out online questionnaires to determine their compatibility, favorite movie quotes and “memorable firsts.” Let us bear witness to their love and devotion.

And if anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be joined in e-matrimony, comment now or forever hold your peace.

Also, for those joining us late, the video of the ceremony will be available immediately afterwards on YouTube.

Jack and Rita, please link profiles and face each other.

Jack, do you take Rita to be your cyberly wedded wife, to have and to hold, for upgrade or for downgrade, for get rich quick or for get debt free, in downtime and in health, from this day forward till server crash do us part?

Click one: I DO / CANCEL.

Rita, same question, names reversed.

Click one: I DO / CANCEL.

The rings, please.

[Lord of the Rings on DVD / Rings- Cheap Prices / Shop for Rings / Ads by Google.]

The sister of the bride would like to perform a mashup in honor of the couple, streaming live to those with broadband connections. (Click to skip intro.)

By the power vested in me by MySpace and its corporate owner News Corp, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now :-* the bride.

(Cue Flash-based confetti.)