Wade Kwon » Fiction

You’ve got tweets, part 1

Wade Kwon — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 03:04:00 +0000

Thomas and Margaret tweet each other late into the night. Then Thomas fills in his friend Janiece the following day.

An interview with Harry Potter

Wade — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 04:56:20 +0000

I finished reading "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" this weekend. In honor of that achievement, here's a column I wrote for the Birmingham Post-Herald, published on Oct. 2, 2000.

The friendship auditions

Wade — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 05:54:55 +0000

“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for coming out today for the friendship auditions. Expect to be here most of the day, though we’ll try to get you out of here as soon as possible. Thanks in advance for bearing with us.

The e-Wedding

Wade — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 05:57:26 +0000

Dearly beloved,

We are gathered today on MySpace — before God, Tom and 1,866 friends — to witness the happy union of Jack_Is_Teh_Awesome and SexxayRita in holy matrimony.

Overheard in the men’s room

Wade — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 04:55:51 +0000

“Hey.”

(Please don’t talk to me while I’m trying to pee.) “Um, hey.”

“What’s up?”

(Ew.) “Nothing.”

“Didja see the game?”

(Didja see that we’re two strangers standing in the men’s room talking when we shouldn’t be?) “No.”

The lost art of e-mail writing

Wade — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 04:48:58 +0000

As the days zoom by, and our ADD-riddled children turn into nihilistic Starbucks-fueled teens in a heartbeat, we must pause to take stock. Why must life move so quickly? What have we forfeited for such a go-go existence?

Can we not turn back the clock?

Yes, I say, yes indeed. We must recapture a slower time, when people stopped to flip each other off in traffic, rather than fire guns or ram their vehicles into each other. The good ol’ days, when a gallon gas cost $2, and a supersize meal was both dinner and guilty pleasure all rolled into one.

I propose another look at the lost art of e-mail writing.

The end of Internet 1.0

Wade — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 04:52:35 +0000

Dear user,

Thank you for your interest in starting a weblog. At this time, we regret that we can no longer provide space for new weblogs, or “blogs,” given that the Internet has reached maximum capacity.

We apologize for any inconvenience.

Rest stop

Wade — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 04:56:17 +0000

He pulled into the gas station, the first one he’d seen along miles of interstate highway. He cursed silently as he noticed the pumps didn’t take credit cards, remembering the old-fashioned mechanical gauges that spun round with each tenth of a cent.

He popped off the gas cap and prepared to fill ’er up. Soon he’d be home for good, college behind him and the future ahead.

Conversational shortcuts and moms

Wade — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 04:50:21 +0000

“Hello, dear.”

“Hi.”

“It’s your mother.”

“Yes, I know, Mom.”

“Are you coming over soon?”

“Not until Saturday.”

“Not today?”

“Not until Saturday.”

“OK, if you say so.”

“(sigh)”

Picky picky

Wade — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 01:33:03 +0000

I’m really not that picky. I just have finite tastes. (Tastes, not taste.)