Remote possibilities: fall 2006By Wade Kwon
Ah, summer, time to curl up with a good DVD.
Books are for losers. Who can read.
I am neither.
As a public service, a brief preview of the new fall network series (some appearing on new networks). Only six more weeks until the season begins.
And seven more weeks until many of these shows are canceled.
In which one thin plot revolving around a day is stretched into a nine-month, 22-episode ordeal â€¦
â€œBig Dayâ€: A wedding, one half-hour at a time. Wake us when they toss the bouquet (or leave the show at the altar).
â€œDay Breakâ€: â€œGroundhog Dayâ€ with a murder. And less funny. And more black.
In which strangers are connected in mysterious yet uninteresting ways â€¦
â€œSix Degreesâ€: Strangers trapped on an island (Manhattan) bound by fate and acting contracts.
â€œHeroesâ€: Strangers bound by superpowers and high concepts.
â€œThe Nineâ€: Strangers trapped in a bank robbery bound by trauma and flashbacks.
â€œJerichoâ€: Townfolk trapped in a nuclear holocaust bound by radioactive horror and lack of cable (shudder).
â€œThe Classâ€: Twentysomethings trapped by a shared past in third grade bound by pseudo-nostalgia and a laugh track.
‘Saturday Night Live’ 2.0
In which a fading live comedy show spawns two fading prime-time shows â€¦
â€œStudio 60 on the Sunset Stripâ€: The one with Aaron Sorkin and Chandler that lasts 60 minutes.
â€œ30 Rockâ€: The one with Tina Fey and Debbie Downer that lasts 30 minutes. (Thanks, title mnemonic.)
In which the law is upheld with but a single name â€¦
â€œVanishedâ€: Foxâ€™s version of NBCâ€™s â€œKidnapped.â€
â€œKidnappedâ€: NBCâ€™s version of Foxâ€™s â€œVanished.â€
â€œJusticeâ€: Foxâ€™s version of CBSâ€™ â€œShark.â€
â€œSharkâ€: CBSâ€™ version of Foxâ€™s â€œJustice.â€
â€œSmithâ€: Family dad blends in, commits crimes, not accused of crimes.
â€œRunawayâ€: Family dad blends in, doesnâ€™t commit crimes, accused of crimes.
â€œStandoffâ€: FBIâ€™s CNU in action. Thatâ€™s right, the C-fucking-N-U.
Soap till you drop
In which telenovelas are debuted to an apathetic gringo audience â€¦
â€œDesireâ€: Brothers run from Mafia, battle for girl.
â€œFashion Houseâ€: â€œThe Hillsâ€ with old people.
For this they killed â€˜Arrested Developmentâ€™
In which comedy is beaten to death with the tire iron of lameness â€¦
â€œ20 Good Yearsâ€: Grumpy old sitcom pair is wacky.
â€œ â€™Til Deathâ€: Marriage is wacky.
â€œHappy Hourâ€: Single young buddies are wacky.
â€œNotes from the Underbellyâ€: Maternity is wacky.
â€œThe Knights of Prosperityâ€: Burglarizing Mick Jaggerâ€™s place is wacky.
â€œThe Gameâ€: Football playersâ€™ wives are wacky.
â€œHelp Me Help Youâ€: Group therapy is wacky.
In which we snark on the rest â€¦
â€œDuetsâ€: Karaoke with the stars.
â€œFriday Night Lightsâ€: They couldnâ€™t turn â€œThe Devil Wears Pradaâ€ into a series?
â€œUgly Bettyâ€: Yay, they made â€œThe Devil Wears Pradaâ€ into a series!
â€œMen in Treesâ€: This yearâ€™s â€œEmilyâ€™s Reasons Why Not.â€ Well, this yearâ€™s second â€œEmilyâ€™s Reasons Why Not.â€
â€œBrothers and Sistersâ€: This yearâ€™s â€œSons and Daughters.â€ Well, this yearâ€™s second â€œSons and Daughters.â€
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More on television: May 2006 season finales